“G.I. Joe” – Evacuation!

What if you made a summer movie and nobody went?

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NOT coming soon to a theatre near you…

This appears to be the line of thought over at Paramount, where their imminent blockbuster-in-waiting, the sequel “G.I. Joe – Retaliation” has suddenly been yanked from its June 25th release date and given a March 2013 release.

Officially, this is due to a need to bolt-on a 3D conversion to the film, as Paramount’s press release would have us believe that the delay is necessary to do the job properly and so take advantage of the foreign box office’s insatiable desire for 3D Sci-Fi Action flicks.

Unofficially, having seen Universal’s “Battleship” take a beating at the hands of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, Paramount didn’t fancy having their summer flick get a one-two drubbing from The Amazing Spider-Man and The Dark Knight Rises” and ran scared to a far less busy, free of superheroes weekend in 2013.

What do we really think caused this abrupt decision?  Probably a bit from column A and a bit from column B – If the other super-flicks of this summer have half the appeal of “The Avengers”, Paramount are going to look very smart and have protected their considerable investment by tailoring it to where the global film market is going.

China and Russia love their 3D action and are accounting for an ever-larger slice of box office takings – if you could get a chunk of that cash, wouldn’t you make an effort?  Even if, you know, it involved taking your 2-D flick and daubing the equivalent of a virtual moustache on it.

Who knows, by this point in 2013 the post-conversion technology may have improved to such a point that the words “Post-Converted 3D” won’t fill discerning nerds with uncommon dread…

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