Nobody could ever call me a movie snob – witness my “Underworld”, “Resident Evil” and Paul Anderson fandom – but even I drew the line at the first “G.I. Joe” film.
Family-friendly action shenanigans or fetish-tastic farrago?
For reasons which I can’t quite pin-point, this action franchise wannabe induced such a wave of apathy in me that I couldn’t get past the first twenty minutes. The action was dull, the characters barely existed – being based on a toy line, I guess that’s not exactly a surprise – and even the presence of the reliably awesome Joseph Gordon Levitt didn’t make me want to continue watching.
It was with some surprise, then, that I have viewed the Super Bowl trailer for the forthcoming “G.I. Joe – Retaliation” sequel and not thrown up in my mouth.
I know, I know – weirdsville.
Perhaps it’s the presence of Dwayne Johnson, whose charm and imposing presence deserves an actual movie franchise that he can dominate in the same way that he bestrode the utterly preposterous and absolutely glorious “Fast Five”? He may be one of those rare movie stars whose charisma is such that they be in any old dreck and somehow render it broadly watchable purely by force of personality.
Yes, I have a man-crush on The Rock. What of it?
There’s something about the Ninja aspect of things – whose heart doesn’t sing at the sight of primary coloured practitioners of the Japanese martial art giving each other a good old shoeing whilst rappelling down the side of a mountain?
Climb every mountain/kick every Ninja's ass...
As if to put the cherry on top of the proverbial chocolate cake, then this guy shows up to make the whole thing even more of a delight…
"And that's what you get for being Ashton Kutcher!"
I don’t mind telling you – it’s going to be a right old turn up for the books being the only forty-something guy in the theatre who isn’t reliving his “G.I. Joe” action figure battles playing out on screen when this opens in the summer…