Tag Archives: Cobra Commander

“G.I. Joe: Retaliation” looks…quite fun?

Nobody could ever call me a movie snob – witness my “Underworld”, “Resident Evil” and Paul Anderson fandom – but even I drew the line at the first “G.I. Joe” film.

Family-friendly action shenanigans or fetish-tastic farrago?

For reasons which I can’t quite pin-point, this action franchise wannabe induced such a wave of apathy in me that I couldn’t get past the first twenty minutes.   The action was dull, the characters barely existed – being based on a toy line, I guess that’s not exactly a surprise – and even the presence of the reliably awesome Joseph Gordon Levitt didn’t make me want to continue watching.

It was with some surprise, then, that I have viewed the Super Bowl trailer for the forthcoming “G.I. Joe – Retaliation” sequel and not thrown up in my mouth.

I know, I know – weirdsville.

Perhaps it’s the presence of Dwayne Johnson, whose charm and imposing presence deserves an actual movie franchise that he can dominate in the same way that he bestrode the utterly preposterous and absolutely glorious “Fast Five”?  He may be one of those rare movie stars whose charisma is such that they be in any old dreck and somehow render it broadly watchable purely by force of personality.

Yes, I have a man-crush on The Rock. What of it?

There’s something about the Ninja aspect of things – whose heart doesn’t sing at the sight of primary coloured practitioners of the Japanese martial art giving each other a good old shoeing whilst rappelling down the side of a mountain?

Climb every mountain/kick every Ninja's ass...

As if to put the cherry on top of the proverbial chocolate cake, then this guy shows up to make the whole thing even more of a delight…

"And that's what you get for being Ashton Kutcher!"

I don’t mind telling you – it’s going to be a right old turn up for the books being the only forty-something guy in the theatre who isn’t reliving his “G.I. Joe” action figure battles playing out on screen when this opens in the summer…

Leave a comment

Filed under Films, Geekery, Movie Trailer

Trailered – “G.I. Joe – Retaliation”

The wags out there might think that the “G.I. Joe” sequel’s subtitle refers to the terrible revenge that most viewers of the first instalment would like to wreak on the film-makers who took a can’t-miss dumb action movie premise and made it almost unwatchable.

Hey - it's Mr The Rock! He'll save us from excessive amounts of Channing Tatum!

I’d like to say that too but I’m far too nice to do so.

Money shot, anybody?

This trailer, to be honest, makes it look almost watchable but as I was burned by the first movie I’m not sure that I’ll be bothering to see it next summer.

Nope, nothing phallic in this image at all. Everybody move along...nothing to see here...

Go take a look for yourself on YouTube.

Leave a comment

Filed under Films, Geekery, Movie Trailer