Tag Archives: Dwayne Johnson

Fast and Furious 6 – The Explodening?

Oh, “Fast & Furious 6” – I knew that your Superbowl teaser trailer wouldn’t let me down.  Go watch it here.  You’ll know it when you see it – it’s the one where everything is (A) blowing up (B) about to blow up or (C) is newly recovering from having recently been explodified.

Tank!  Tank!   Tank!

Tank! Tank! Tank!

The word “AmazeBananas”, which I’ve just coined in reaction to this teaser, is the only possible response to it.  Well, that and ‘remember when they just used to nick the odd DVD player or six – talk about changing your career trajectory’.  The “Fast and Furious” crew, having stolen and wrecked most of downtown Rio in the last movie (spoilers!) armed with only a couple of muscle cars and some comedy bickering, have now graduated to the world stage.  Witness the trailer, which zips from London to Ibiza and thence Germany with nary a breath taken between awesome car stunts and shots of the cast looking super-buff.  We’re through the looking glass, people – it’s heist time, global style.

Vehicles flipping? But I thought this was a Merchant Ivory film?

Vehicles flipping? But I thought this was a Merchant Ivory film?

Expect stunts, more stunts, some gratuitous booty shaking which reminds you that the import tuner scene doesn’t exactly pass feminist analysis with flying colours, Vin and Mr The Rock buff-bonding in a wholly non-homoerotic fashion (clothes-line!), European locations (oh, hai there, London Village!) and the most ludicrous, trailer-capping action sequence that I’ve seen since the train job  in, oh, “Fast Five“.  Cargo plane – that’s all I’m saying.

London, shortly before a visit from Vin Diesel and The Rock rendered it a smoking hole in the ground.

London, pictured shortly before a visit from Vin Diesel and The Rock rendered it a smoking hole in the ground.

 

Cars with ramp attachments - seems legit...

Cars with ramp attachments – seems legit…

The gang's all here(ish).

The gang’s all here(ish).

By the looks of things, the only way to ramp up the seemingly inevitable seventh entry in the series is to set it on Mars (Don’t give Justin Lin any ideas).

Want now.  Is it May yet?

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Last Bastich Standing

The rumour mill.  Don’t you just love it?

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Intergalactic bad-ass biker mercenary or failed KISS member – Lobo!

Horror site Bloody Disgusting reports (via nerd hub Bleeding Cool) that everybody’s favourite former WWE wrassler Dwayne Johnson is getting in on that comics-movie cross-over action and starring as DC bad boy and intergalactic bad ass Lobo, in a movie to be written and directed by The Rock’s “Journey 2 The Mysterious Island” director Brad Peyton.

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I don’t know whether this is better news than the previously hinted-at Guy Ritchie take on the character or a harbinger that the ultra-violent emissary of ironic doom is going to have his limb-lobbing, tooled-up ways rather streamlined to meet the demands of a PG-13 rating.

Because taking the hard edges off characters always works, right?

Treat this as salt-worthy until otherwise confirmed but it does rather tie-in to some of Mr Team Bring It’s recent, enigmatic Tweets about his future projects – having said that, he does have quite the packed schedule to circumnavigate before this film gets made…

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“G.I. Joe – Retaliation” gets new trailer, destroys the Big Smoke…

What is it with Hollywood and destroying London?

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No sooner had I put my feet up and begun to enjoy the latest trailer for G.I. Joe: Retaliation than I was confronted with merry old London town biting the big one again, via the intercession of some sketchy space missile thingy.  Not that I’m the biggest fan of our capital city – I only visit if I absolutely have to – but it would be nice for an American film to grasp the complex reality that there are other cities in the UK.

Yep, that's going to give Boris a few sleepless nights...

Is it too much to hope for a major Hollywood blockbuster to pick on Birmingham or Manchester for a change?  Surely Leeds needs to be rendered into ashes by a stray super missile?  Mindless destruction equality now!  Blow up some different places for a change!

But, I digress…

There’s a new trailer for this deliciously silly looking comic book action fest, which seems to be marking out its place on the calendar as an unpretentious and marked improvement on the unwatchable original entry in the series – I don’t have any history with the action figures, but this could be the daft action extravaganza which manages to erase the bad taste that the increasingly horrible Transformers films left in my mouth as that series veered ever deeper into the darker recesses of Michael Bay‘s ID.

It’s nearly the summer, I’m really going to want to escape the ad nauseam Olympics hype in the UK – what better way to do it than watch professional actors portray action figures and run away from cgi explosions?

 

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“Fast Six” deep sixes “Fast Seven”?

In news which will delight anybody who saw last year’s gloriously insane action flick, “Fast Five”, the first of two planned sequels will shoot in Europe this Summer for a 2013 release.

Destroying a major European city this summer, Vin Diesel and The Rock...

Whilst on promotional duties for his next action pic, “G.I. Joe – Retaliation”, “Fast Five” quasi-villain Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson let slip that plans to film the sixth (!) and seventh (!) movies in the series back-to-back have been abandoned, but that the sixth movie is currently scheduled to head to Europe – the UK and Germany are mentioned – this summer for shooting/driving/campy macho posing.

Filming in Germany? Ergo,  Autobahns and generous speed limits?  Oh, the possibilities…

That the film will shoot in the UK is something of a surprise – the high-speed hijinks of the previous films in the series won’t play quite as well on the M25 unless the film-makers are intent on filming Very Slow Car Chases Whilst In Ten-Mile Tailbacks.   Or perhaps we’re going back to the fun and games of the original film and having our American Friends doing doughnuts in Comet and B & Q car parks the length and breadth of the UK?

Who am I kidding – as far as American film makers are concerned, the only place in the UK is London, so that’s where they’ll be going.  Vin Diesel on an East London council estate?  Can’t see it myself, but I’ll be buying a ticket nonetheless.

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“G.I. Joe: Retaliation” looks…quite fun?

Nobody could ever call me a movie snob – witness my “Underworld”, “Resident Evil” and Paul Anderson fandom – but even I drew the line at the first “G.I. Joe” film.

Family-friendly action shenanigans or fetish-tastic farrago?

For reasons which I can’t quite pin-point, this action franchise wannabe induced such a wave of apathy in me that I couldn’t get past the first twenty minutes.   The action was dull, the characters barely existed – being based on a toy line, I guess that’s not exactly a surprise – and even the presence of the reliably awesome Joseph Gordon Levitt didn’t make me want to continue watching.

It was with some surprise, then, that I have viewed the Super Bowl trailer for the forthcoming “G.I. Joe – Retaliation” sequel and not thrown up in my mouth.

I know, I know – weirdsville.

Perhaps it’s the presence of Dwayne Johnson, whose charm and imposing presence deserves an actual movie franchise that he can dominate in the same way that he bestrode the utterly preposterous and absolutely glorious “Fast Five”?  He may be one of those rare movie stars whose charisma is such that they be in any old dreck and somehow render it broadly watchable purely by force of personality.

Yes, I have a man-crush on The Rock. What of it?

There’s something about the Ninja aspect of things – whose heart doesn’t sing at the sight of primary coloured practitioners of the Japanese martial art giving each other a good old shoeing whilst rappelling down the side of a mountain?

Climb every mountain/kick every Ninja's ass...

As if to put the cherry on top of the proverbial chocolate cake, then this guy shows up to make the whole thing even more of a delight…

"And that's what you get for being Ashton Kutcher!"

I don’t mind telling you – it’s going to be a right old turn up for the books being the only forty-something guy in the theatre who isn’t reliving his “G.I. Joe” action figure battles playing out on screen when this opens in the summer…

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Trailered – “G.I. Joe – Retaliation”

The wags out there might think that the “G.I. Joe” sequel’s subtitle refers to the terrible revenge that most viewers of the first instalment would like to wreak on the film-makers who took a can’t-miss dumb action movie premise and made it almost unwatchable.

Hey - it's Mr The Rock! He'll save us from excessive amounts of Channing Tatum!

I’d like to say that too but I’m far too nice to do so.

Money shot, anybody?

This trailer, to be honest, makes it look almost watchable but as I was burned by the first movie I’m not sure that I’ll be bothering to see it next summer.

Nope, nothing phallic in this image at all. Everybody move along...nothing to see here...

Go take a look for yourself on YouTube.

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