Tag Archives: Gamer

“Call of Duty: Black Ops 2” announced


Well, that’s Autumn sorted for a lot of gamers – Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 announced • News • Eurogamer.net.

I’m not one of those players – action RPG nerds who play as Rogue Female Elves for the win! – but I fully expect this latest episode of the annual FPS franchise to dominate sales chart and mind share in the games community for the latter part of this year.  It’s the go-to shooter for many a gamer and remains seemingly unstoppable at the retail counter, predictable annual controversies notwithstanding…

Expect a proper reveal (and trailer) tonight and more hype when E3 rolls around in the summer.


Filed under Gaming, Geekery

The Unspeakable Lameness of “Gamer”

Over at Topless Robot today, David Wolinsky posted a list which got me thinking – why do films get the culture of video games so completely wrong?


Chin up Gerard, you'll be second-fiddle to that Heigl gal in second-rate rom-coms any time now...

Part of me suspects that there’s no love for the upstart medium – it competes for mind share with music and TV, further eroding Hollywood’s hold on teen and twentysomething cash and if there’s one thing that film studios don’t like to do, it’s to share cash.  Games are a potential asset to be used as source material for films, but don’t yet command the same level of respect of a hack popular novelist like Dan Brown.

When film makers do attempt to marry the always-on digital world to the heady realm of populist cinema the frequent end product ends up being something like the wretched Neveldine/Taylor directed, 2009 Gerard Butler vehicle, “Gamer”.


This film features high on the Topless Robot list as an example of how terrible Hollywood films featuring games can be and it’s an object lesson in how to do pretty much everything wrong.

The cast are wasted.  Butler’s decent value in action flicks but he gets little to do in a role which should be multi-faceted (family man forced to kill or be killed, separated from his wife, a public enemy number one loved/hated by a global reality TV audience) but ends up being a thuggish stereotype.  Amber Valetta gets to essentially be felt up by the camera for 95 minutes as Butler’s missus – thankless isn’t the half of it.


The tech is so ludicrous that it may as well be a film utilising magic for all the sense that it makes – the always on, beyond HD quality, omniscient camera tracking the combatants in the “Call of Duty” alike “Slayers” game in the film – how the chuff does that work, then?  There’s some guff in the script, as I recall, about neural net thingymajigs but the fact of the matter is that the game inventor in the film, Michael C Hall, is not Molyneux or Kojima but some plot-assisting analogue of Merlin and Mandrake.

This is what bugs me so much about this film – it would make more sense for the film to occupy the same space as “The Running Man” or an Ice-T vehicle that you’ve never seen, “Surviving The Game”.  But no, we’ve got to drag the new-fangled video games into this shoddy hackery because that’s the folk demon which this script has a bee in its backwards baseball cap about.

It doesn’t just stop by having a pop at the 360 console crowd – social media gets a shoeing too in the form of “Society”, a singularly bone-headed blend of “The Sims”,“Second Life” style hipster casual gaming and honest-to-goodness slavery which the Amber Valetta character finds herself sold into – because, for the most part, women in this film exist solely to be ogled, fondled, objectified and generally handled like so much meat.

I hated this movie – can you tell?


Regular readers of this blog will know that I’m not exactly Roger Ebert (or Mark Kermode, for that matter). I like my B-movies, I don’t mind if they’re dumb as a box of hammers and I only ask that they be entertaining.  “Gamer” has a premise that Verhoeven and Bruce Willis would have knocked to the Moon and back in the early Nineties but fails to raise so much as a ‘hoo-rah’ with its eminently miss-able blend of crappy action, murky motivations, sleepwalking performances and a general sense that the Neveldine/Taylor team will do anything to try to shock the presumed target audience for this movie – mouth-breathing 12-year-old boys coming down off a 24 hour Mountain Dew and Doritos bender.


You have to try hard to make a movie like this dull.  It takes real, strenuous effort.  Wall-to-wall bloodshed, eye candy and an amorality which makes Michael Bay look like Jonathan Demme – and “Gamer” is still as riveting as cleaning your clogged drains.

Neveldine/Taylor – reverse Midas touch, non?  It’s enough to make you think that the thick ear thrills of the first “Crank” film were a one-off.

I’m beginning to suspect that the issue is one of translation and the inherent problem in translating from one interactive medium to one which lends itself to contemplation and has been usurped in terms of presenting thrills by its younger sibling.

A final thought – Games excel at presenting on-screen action and have been doing it better since the PS1 and equivalent PC hardware allowed the first steps towards interactive cinematic mayhem on the player’s home television.  Hollywood’s on the back foot and probably won’t ever catch up.  Beginning to see why they put so little effort into adapting video games?



Filed under Films, Gaming, Geekery

Trailered: “Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance”

Hands up – who wanted a second “Ghost Rider” film?

Insert your favourite, Raimi-esque, 'Farewell to Arms' gag here.

If you answered “Nicolas Cage’s accountant”, then full points for snarking.  Being a contrary old sort, I have to say that I actually quite liked the first one, imperfect and absurd as it was – Nicolas Cage and Eva Mendes were childhood sweeties?   Okie Dokie – that makes a whole bunch of sense…

The sequel opens in February and has been directed by Taylor and Neveldine, the deranged hacks who previously brought you the “Crank” series and the odious, half-witted, time-wasting pox on celluloid which was Gerard Butler vehicle, “Gamer” (a film made by people whose revelatory take on games is to mutter something about online gamers being fat nerds and then gawp at some hapless starlet’s breasts for two hours).

You want to get that looked at, mate...

This sequel is set in Eastern Europe and sees Johnny Blaze off riding the earth and trying to get rid of his ‘Ghost Rider’ curse once and for all.  This leads to him intervening in weird, demonic cult shenanigans to save a child – sentimentality alert! – and locking horns with Ciaran Hinds, who appears to have a slight eye infection.

Hey up, it's Dumbledore's brother!

Eye infection/demonic possession – you can understand my confusion.

Anyhow, as with all superhero movie trailers latterly, lots of things proceed to blow up, jump out at you and generally try and EXCITE THE VERY FILLINGS FROM YOUR TEETH WITH AWESOME SAUCE!  

Ghost Rider gets new wheels.

I’m not sure that they’ve entirely succeeded on that front.   The action looks to be as gonzo and OTT as it usually is in a Neveldine/Taylor film, but I’m not entirely sold on the ‘kid-in-peril’ angle.  There’s no need for a kid to be in a movie like this, with a character like this, unless it’s to roll out the old schtick about redemption, saving an innocent child from evil’s outriders – that’s stuff we’ve all seen 10,000 times before and it’s genuinely of no interest to me.

So that's where Christophe Lambert's been all these years...

I quite like the Eastern European vistas seen in the trailer – it’s nice to see a superhero movie venturing outside the US for a change (I can only think of “Captain America – The First Avenger”, the “Fantastic Four” sequel and “X-Men: First Class” doing this) and acknowledging that other countries in the world might quite like to have merry hell visited upon them in the name of truth, justice and flaming skulls.

They've redesigned the skull, apparently. Can't say that I noticed.

I guess that I’m cautiously optimistic that this will offer decent, B-movie chuckles come the early part of next year – the track record of the directors doesn’t fill me with joy, but it’s hard to see how directors who usually aim fast, dirty and low can really mess up material that’s essentially goofy, harmless and drawn from similar storytelling cloth to the TV series “Supernatural”, which I’m really quite fond of.

I've got no idea how you film a bloody stunt like this. I assume the poor fella's still alive...

On the down side?  This is yet another PG 13-rated, post-converted 3D effort, the latter aspect of which still indicates that movie studios regard the format as an after-thought gimmick and solely a thing to check off on your marketing plan.  I’ve always said that if a studio can’t be bothered to stump up the cash to do 3D properly, I can’t be bothered to dip my hand into my pocket and throw any cash at them.

I hope he's got third party car insurance...

“Ghost Rider” opens in the US, UK and most European territories on the 17th February 2012.

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Filed under Films, Geekery, Movie Trailer