Tag Archives: GI Joe

“G.I. Joe – Retaliation” gets new trailer, destroys the Big Smoke…

What is it with Hollywood and destroying London?

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No sooner had I put my feet up and begun to enjoy the latest trailer for G.I. Joe: Retaliation than I was confronted with merry old London town biting the big one again, via the intercession of some sketchy space missile thingy.  Not that I’m the biggest fan of our capital city – I only visit if I absolutely have to – but it would be nice for an American film to grasp the complex reality that there are other cities in the UK.

Yep, that's going to give Boris a few sleepless nights...

Is it too much to hope for a major Hollywood blockbuster to pick on Birmingham or Manchester for a change?  Surely Leeds needs to be rendered into ashes by a stray super missile?  Mindless destruction equality now!  Blow up some different places for a change!

But, I digress…

There’s a new trailer for this deliciously silly looking comic book action fest, which seems to be marking out its place on the calendar as an unpretentious and marked improvement on the unwatchable original entry in the series – I don’t have any history with the action figures, but this could be the daft action extravaganza which manages to erase the bad taste that the increasingly horrible Transformers films left in my mouth as that series veered ever deeper into the darker recesses of Michael Bay‘s ID.

It’s nearly the summer, I’m really going to want to escape the ad nauseam Olympics hype in the UK – what better way to do it than watch professional actors portray action figures and run away from cgi explosions?

 

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“G.I. Joe: Retaliation” looks…quite fun?

Nobody could ever call me a movie snob – witness my “Underworld”, “Resident Evil” and Paul Anderson fandom – but even I drew the line at the first “G.I. Joe” film.

Family-friendly action shenanigans or fetish-tastic farrago?

For reasons which I can’t quite pin-point, this action franchise wannabe induced such a wave of apathy in me that I couldn’t get past the first twenty minutes.   The action was dull, the characters barely existed – being based on a toy line, I guess that’s not exactly a surprise – and even the presence of the reliably awesome Joseph Gordon Levitt didn’t make me want to continue watching.

It was with some surprise, then, that I have viewed the Super Bowl trailer for the forthcoming “G.I. Joe – Retaliation” sequel and not thrown up in my mouth.

I know, I know – weirdsville.

Perhaps it’s the presence of Dwayne Johnson, whose charm and imposing presence deserves an actual movie franchise that he can dominate in the same way that he bestrode the utterly preposterous and absolutely glorious “Fast Five”?  He may be one of those rare movie stars whose charisma is such that they be in any old dreck and somehow render it broadly watchable purely by force of personality.

Yes, I have a man-crush on The Rock. What of it?

There’s something about the Ninja aspect of things – whose heart doesn’t sing at the sight of primary coloured practitioners of the Japanese martial art giving each other a good old shoeing whilst rappelling down the side of a mountain?

Climb every mountain/kick every Ninja's ass...

As if to put the cherry on top of the proverbial chocolate cake, then this guy shows up to make the whole thing even more of a delight…

"And that's what you get for being Ashton Kutcher!"

I don’t mind telling you – it’s going to be a right old turn up for the books being the only forty-something guy in the theatre who isn’t reliving his “G.I. Joe” action figure battles playing out on screen when this opens in the summer…

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Trailered – “G.I. Joe – Retaliation”

The wags out there might think that the “G.I. Joe” sequel’s subtitle refers to the terrible revenge that most viewers of the first instalment would like to wreak on the film-makers who took a can’t-miss dumb action movie premise and made it almost unwatchable.

Hey - it's Mr The Rock! He'll save us from excessive amounts of Channing Tatum!

I’d like to say that too but I’m far too nice to do so.

Money shot, anybody?

This trailer, to be honest, makes it look almost watchable but as I was burned by the first movie I’m not sure that I’ll be bothering to see it next summer.

Nope, nothing phallic in this image at all. Everybody move along...nothing to see here...

Go take a look for yourself on YouTube.

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“Star Trek 2” delayed to 2013, time-travelling Borg conspiracy unconfirmed.

For nerds, by nerds, watched by the normals too. Funny old universe.

Given the delay in sleight-of-hand-loving, hypethenate geek overlord J.J. Abrams confirming his involvement and the wait for an approved script, and perhaps because Paramount doesn’t like us very much and won’t let us have nice things, the announcement today that the second “Star Trek” movie won’t be with us until 2013 comes as no big surprise.

Paramount are having another crack at turning “G.I. Joe” into a film that you might want to see – good luck with that particular Herculean labour, folks – and that accounts for their Summer 2012 focus.  The end of 2012 will likely belong to the first part of Peter Jackson’s adaptation of “The Hobbit” and the next Bond movie, so as nobody with a brain is releasing much else at the end of next year, the second entry in the rebooted series is boldly going to a summer 2013 bow.

I’m all for waiting if the resultant film is as enjoyable as part one was and despite a lot of aggrieved chatter from the devout fans of classic Trek online, I felt that “Star Trek” was a reboot which absolutely worked and was the first salvo in a SF series that was infinitely more desirable than a new “Star Wars” movie.

Not great news for a blogger’s 300th post, but them’s the breaks.

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