Tag Archives: Natalie Portman

Putting the Hammer down

A hairy man sorts out his foes...

A hairy man sorts out his foes…

Screencaps? Faffing about with my video software?  Must be summer movie trailer time.

Behold!  It’s “Thor: The Dark World”, with a teaser glimpse for your perusal and edification!

I've heard of protecting Alt Kids from society's abuses, but this is ridonkulous..

Loki is Emo – confirmed…

Expect to see his Norse Godliness in modern-day London, hints at a romantic triangle, lots of action and a last-minute cameo appearance by Loki-chops, with Tom Hiddleston apparently channelling Dani Filth from CoF for reasons best known to the costume department.  Me likey.

“Thor: The Dark World” opens in good, bad and indifferent cinemas on October 30th in the UK and on November 8th in the US.

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“Suspiria” remake – does not want!

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Today’s wholly unnecessary, asinine remake – I assume that you all have your bingo cards and are playing along – is one close to my heart.

The once-promising but recently questionable director David Gordon Green is directing “Suspiria”, a remake of the classic 1977 terror trip by mentalist Italian auteur Dario Argento.    Whilst his recent work has looked questionable, he does have more than one extraordinary horror film to use as a calling card – though his work often echoes Hitchcock and has a troubling undercurrent of icky misogyny, his cinematic vision has a one-of-a-kind, fever dream quality which is best described as the closest thing on celluloid to capturing the intensity and terrifying dream logic of an especially vivid nightmare.

Sure, the fact that his peak creativity is now some thirty years ago means that his films may seem dated to kids watching them now, but if you can get past the flyaway collars and Goblin‘s Prog Rock scores you’ll get to watch horror films which are – brace yourself for this notion, as it may knock you sideways – actually scary.  I know, right?

Why am I so against David Gordon Green?

Hmm. Stoner humour - always so amusing...

This was his last movie – a flick so utterly in love with its dim-witted genre send-up and beyond obvious spliff gags that it was the equivalent of watching a comedian who believes that he’s so utterly hilarious that he spends his act laughing hysterically at himself without ever letting you in on the gag.  I got the distinct sense from watching it that it was the work of obnoxious, inexplicably self-regarding hipsters who think that they’re utterly above the genre they were mocking and had naught but contempt for people who liked fantasy films and literature.

Accordingly, I have no confidence that “Suspiria” will offer much more than a bad cover version of a trippy horror masterpiece and distinguish itself mostly by substituting the atmosphere and European sensibility of Argento’s film for  Green’s clod-hopping, obvious sense of humour.  A previous iteration of the script in 2008  had Green dialling back the weird sexuality and dream-like weirdness of Argento’s original and casting his Your Highness lead actress Natalie Portman in the central role – a gambit now apparently rendered moot by her success in the not-dissimilar psycho-drama Black Swan.

I fully expect this to be a duff, 3D, PG-13 rated farrago which does little but drive fans back to the original and top-up Argento’s pension – great for Dario, but not exactly good news for anybody who wants to see a decent, adult horror movie.

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