Tag Archives: Remake

“Starship Troopers” reboot loses violence, adds B.S.

Oh, Hollywood – is there no end to your cowardly, money-grubbing idiocy?

“So, we just hug them to death, right?”

Empire magazine‘s new issue has an interview with Toby Jaffe, producer on the new and entirely unwanted reboot of “Starship Troopers“, which ageing geeks will remember as a pretty decent, absurdly gory sci-fi actioner (fans of the original Robert Heinlein novel will probably remember it less fondly, what with director Paul Verhoeven and screenwriter Edward Neumeier reinterpreting the book as a giddy joyride through a fascistic future).  And it doesn’t make for good reading.

If this version of the book does make it before cameras, we can look forward to a less violent (what now?), less satirical, straight-up bug hunt with all hints of complexity safely jettisoned and gee-whiz cgi effects replacing anything potentially disquieting (i.e., less likely to make the box office tills ring).

So, Selena Gomez and Taylor Lautner in a PG-13 shoot-em-up with a song by her boyfriend on the soundtrack and nothing likely to tax the brain of anybody with a driving license, then?  Where do I sign up for that?

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Get your ass to Mars!

Total Recall

Total Recall (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

No, it’s not a late April Fool’s joke.  They really have remade “Total Recall” with Colin Farrell in the lead role.  Here’s a trailer for you to have a gander at…

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And remarkably, friends and fellow nerds, it doesn’t look that bad.  In fact, it looks like a fairly pacy, well-designed slice of future frolics (albeit one where the industrial design appears to be taking notes from the choices made by BioWare with the “Mass Effect” series)

The advanced word on this remake is that it won’t, as my title alludes to, being visiting the Angry Red Planet and confines its action to a more Phillip K Dick-friendly Earth (I’m pretty sure that Dick’s original short story doesn’t have much room for the kind of martial arts, multiple-takedown whuppings handed out by Farrell’s confused everyman in this trailer, however).

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There’s lots of action, whizzy future cars, Kate Beckinsale being bad, Jessica Biel handing out smackdowns and enough gadgets to make Jason Bradbury go all funny.  Not quite as deliciously OTT as the classic Verhoeven/Schwarzenegger collaboration of 1990, but then what is?   Something tells me that director Len Wiseman doesn’t have it in him to go that all-out and transgressive (boy, the original film was absurdly violent…) but I’m a bit more interested in seeing this than I was.

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“Short Circuit” gets remade, because there are no new ideas.

No disassemble, Stephanie!

I remained cool when MTV co-opted “Teen Wolf” and turned it into a post “Twilight” paranormal romance series.  I barely raised an eyebrow when Will Smith’s rather charmless offspring was jammed into a “Karate Kid” reboot so dull that I forgot it even as I was watching it.

But my normally placid nature will tolerate no more – for proof that Los Angeles is full of dullards who couldn’t find a new idea if it were dangled in front of them via a carrot-and-stick scenario, the Hollywood brains trust is remaking “Short Circuit”.

We’re dealing here with a great 80’s movie, and one which has great nostalgic name recognition for parents, a cute robot character to sell toys to children with and the possibility of some tween pop star doing the El Debarge theme song anew (warning – YouTube video contains more 80’s awesome than you can handle…).

Ally and Johnny 5 - a match made in the 80's...

I can understand why a studio would look at a project like this and think – “$$$!” – but I’m not sure that this is a premise which would translate brilliantly for today’s audience.   Kids today seem to sniff out contrivance and schtick with laser-like focus, so I’m wondering whether they would buy into the idea of lightning transforming a military weapon into a sentient hippy whimsy droid for a single second?

And who’s going to play Stephanie?  I’m trying to think of an actress who has the sigh-inducing sweetness of Ally Sheedy and I’m coming up more or less empty.   And which naive young fool would think that he has the dizzying comic chops to be able to step into the sizeable shoes of Steve Guttenberg?

Oh, the wrong-headedness of this plan – especially as the bloke who did THIS is supposed to making it

 

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What I (might) be watching tonight…

The business of choosing DVD rentals is a fraught one in our house.

We’ve just given up on our subscription to the UK’s leading provider of rental-by-post for the reasons which most people might cite – your top choices not turning up, the discs which you get sent being hit-and-miss in terms of cleanliness and playability, the title that you added in haste during one period of insomniac delirium and never being watched.  The short and long of it is that we weren’t watching stuff, were paying a monthly subscription no matter what and spending more money than we needed to on what is the thinking nerd’s equivalent of the unused gym membership.

Hence, we’re supporting our local Blockbuster whilst it’s still there.

We’re planning to watch this dynamic duo of films tonight:

When Irish eyes are smiling...

and somehow we missed this (hopefully) delightful valentine to nerdery and film-making last summer…

That J.J. Abrams - crazy angles, crazy guy...

I’m expecting big things, I won’t lie.  With “Fright Night”, I’ve yet to see anything that Anton Yelchin was in which I didn’t like  (and yes, that is me admitting on the Internet that I enjoyed “Terminator Salvation”).

With “Fright Night”I loved the original – it was a VHS/TV broadcast staple for me, although I’ve not seen it in years.  Here’s hoping that this revamp (sorry, had to be done) keeps the fine balance of scares to chuckles that Tom Holland’s 1985 film managed to deliver.

Also – this dude is in it:

MindFreak! Or not, what with copyright infringement and all that jazz...

So, plus ten to awesome Scots Thesp-based kick assery then?

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