Tag Archives: remakes

Your mid-week, ultimate gruelling terror update…

Anybody else watching “Suburgatory“?

Seriously, if they ever need to reboot “Gilmore Girls”, your new Rory is here…

It’s a charming family comedy with a pleasingly barbed, jaundiced world view which often undercuts the network-sanctioned important lessons which heroine Tess (Jane Levy) has to learn.

Suffice is to say that Ms Levy’s movie project for 2013 is a little different

“Klaatu, Barada, Nikto”

If you have a strong stomach and a love of the series, I highly recommend viewing the Red-Band, very NSFW trailer – if you have a more delicate constitution, perhaps it’s one to skip.

As a wise man once said, “Groovy”.

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“Suspiria” remake – does not want!


Today’s wholly unnecessary, asinine remake – I assume that you all have your bingo cards and are playing along – is one close to my heart.

The once-promising but recently questionable director David Gordon Green is directing “Suspiria”, a remake of the classic 1977 terror trip by mentalist Italian auteur Dario Argento.    Whilst his recent work has looked questionable, he does have more than one extraordinary horror film to use as a calling card – though his work often echoes Hitchcock and has a troubling undercurrent of icky misogyny, his cinematic vision has a one-of-a-kind, fever dream quality which is best described as the closest thing on celluloid to capturing the intensity and terrifying dream logic of an especially vivid nightmare.

Sure, the fact that his peak creativity is now some thirty years ago means that his films may seem dated to kids watching them now, but if you can get past the flyaway collars and Goblin‘s Prog Rock scores you’ll get to watch horror films which are – brace yourself for this notion, as it may knock you sideways – actually scary.  I know, right?

Why am I so against David Gordon Green?

Hmm. Stoner humour - always so amusing...

This was his last movie – a flick so utterly in love with its dim-witted genre send-up and beyond obvious spliff gags that it was the equivalent of watching a comedian who believes that he’s so utterly hilarious that he spends his act laughing hysterically at himself without ever letting you in on the gag.  I got the distinct sense from watching it that it was the work of obnoxious, inexplicably self-regarding hipsters who think that they’re utterly above the genre they were mocking and had naught but contempt for people who liked fantasy films and literature.

Accordingly, I have no confidence that “Suspiria” will offer much more than a bad cover version of a trippy horror masterpiece and distinguish itself mostly by substituting the atmosphere and European sensibility of Argento’s film for  Green’s clod-hopping, obvious sense of humour.  A previous iteration of the script in 2008  had Green dialling back the weird sexuality and dream-like weirdness of Argento’s original and casting his Your Highness lead actress Natalie Portman in the central role – a gambit now apparently rendered moot by her success in the not-dissimilar psycho-drama Black Swan.

I fully expect this to be a duff, 3D, PG-13 rated farrago which does little but drive fans back to the original and top-up Argento’s pension – great for Dario, but not exactly good news for anybody who wants to see a decent, adult horror movie.


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“Akira” gets two high-profile cast members?

Twitch (bookmark it – it’s awesome) are reporting the intriguing possibility that Jaume Collet-Sera’s live action adaptation of “Akira” is beginning to round-up an intriguing cast, to perhaps beset some of the Internet’s worries about the project.

Say what you want about his past, Sirius had style...

Yep, Gary Oldman has been offered the part of the Colonel.

It's a look.

And the mighty Helena Bonham-Carter is being offered the role of Lady Miyako.

I can understand Warner Brothers wanting to keep things in the family – both actors, of course, can be seen in multiple “Harry Potter” installments and Collet-Sera has made low-cost, sleeper hits for the WB since his “House of Wax” iteration.

I’m still somewhat bothered about the reported budget, though.  Far be it from me to say that you have to spend over the odds to deliver a convincing view of the future – I’m a big fan of “District 9”, which was by no means a budget-buster –  but $90 million?  Unless this version of “Akira” is set in a supermarket stock room, I’m not filled with confidence…

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Warner Brothers are making a live action “Akira”.

On a day which also saw the Wachowskis announce their return to large-scale SF film-making, Warner Brothers have now confirmed a green-light for the live action adaptation of the hugely influential anime and manga “Akira”.

If they cast Shia LaBeouf in this, I'm quitting the planet. Does Saturn have good wi-fi?

Working with a troubling budget of $90 million – that doesn’t sound like a whole heck of a lot to mount a science fiction blockbuster set in a foreign country in the future with tons of pyrotechnics (literal and figurative) – is the director of sleeper hits “Orphan” and “Unknown”, Jaume Collet-Serra.  I confess to being wholly unfamiliar with his work, but that’s my oversight.

Down town Sheffield, yesterday.

A previous script draft was worked on by awesome nerd Gary Whitta (former editor of PC Gamer, contributor to the “Tested” podcast and writer of “The Book of Eli”) but this latest iteration is in the very safe hands of Steve Kloves, who wrote the lion’s share of the “Harry Potter” series.

Your man Leonardo DiCaprio’s production company is producing and the major hurdle to be addressed now is one of casting – are we going to see a cast of Anglo pretty boys in lead roles or does Warner Brothers have the foresight to at least stay partially true to the source material and cast Asian actors?

The rumour that Garrett Hedlund – who I really enjoyed in “Tron: Legacy” – has been offered the role of Kaneda suggests that the issue of ‘race-bending’ is still with us, unfortunately.



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The original, perhaps not the best

Seeing a remake before you see the original isn’t always the best plan. At the weekend, Mrs Boo and I watched Christopher Nolan’s 2002 version of the Norwegian thriller “Insomnia”: It comes highly recommended.

Sitting down tonight, we watched the original film. And, God, did I wish we hadn’t bothered – it’s utterly dreadful.

I realise that this marks my card hereafter as an enemy of European cinema and a brainwashed devotee of shiny, star-driven Hollywood rehashery, but I really don’t care.

The original movie’s rough technical edges make most Dogme films look like the back catalogue of Michael Bay. There are edits and swoop pans in this film which just look sloppy and unfinished. I know from low budget – this just looked shoddy, to be honest (it’s not helped by a slap-dash DVD transfer from Arrow video which makes this low budget thriller look like a smeary, soft mess and some inexcusable subtitle placement makes this DVD edition hard to recommend).

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