Tag Archives: Taylor Lautner

“Starship Troopers” reboot loses violence, adds B.S.

Oh, Hollywood – is there no end to your cowardly, money-grubbing idiocy?

“So, we just hug them to death, right?”

Empire magazine‘s new issue has an interview with Toby Jaffe, producer on the new and entirely unwanted reboot of “Starship Troopers“, which ageing geeks will remember as a pretty decent, absurdly gory sci-fi actioner (fans of the original Robert Heinlein novel will probably remember it less fondly, what with director Paul Verhoeven and screenwriter Edward Neumeier reinterpreting the book as a giddy joyride through a fascistic future).  And it doesn’t make for good reading.

If this version of the book does make it before cameras, we can look forward to a less violent (what now?), less satirical, straight-up bug hunt with all hints of complexity safely jettisoned and gee-whiz cgi effects replacing anything potentially disquieting (i.e., less likely to make the box office tills ring).

So, Selena Gomez and Taylor Lautner in a PG-13 shoot-em-up with a song by her boyfriend on the soundtrack and nothing likely to tax the brain of anybody with a driving license, then?  Where do I sign up for that?

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The only “Breaking Dawn” review you’ll ever need…

For the record, Fluffrick is Team Selene. Or possibly Buffy.

Over at the Mary Sue is the only “Breaking Dawn,  Part One” review that I’ve read which really gets to the crux of the “Mind-controlling vampire boyfriend OR  pouty werewolf who’ll cop off with your daughter” debate that haunts my waking hours.  Yours too, I expect.

For full disclosure, I’m not going to hate on the “Twilight” phenomenon – I’ve not read any of the books, but I quite enjoyed the first film and found “New Moon” to be an endlessly boring nightmare with only one redeeming quality – the small but pivotal role for Michael Sheen, who improves any film that he’s in by a scientifically measurable ratio of 500%.  Despite “Eclipse” being directed by David Slade (who I have a lot of time for), I’ve still not worked up the energy to subject myself to a film which is supposed to be slower than “New Moon” – a notion which chills me so much that it should be used to preserve foodstuffs.

Alternatively, if you find Bella’s romantic travails a little on the twee side, The Mary Sue also has a story that you might like to read about a 17-year-old girl who may one day find a cure for cancer…

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